Category: Dating and Relationships
Describe to your self a friend. all the things that you look for in a friend. a friend of the opasit sex and the same sex if that is your preferance. Now ask your self what you look for in a partner. If you find that those things are the same, then answer this question. How do you choose your partner from your friend. What makes them different?
Hmm a sense of humour, an adventurous positive outlook, a good listener with a reasonable level of tolerance, patience and an ability to take a joke..I think a friend should be able to distance themselves from any problems you are having while still giving support, a partner is embroilled in the problem and their love for you may blind them to your faults ..where a friend will possibly be more subjective.
Well... I look for similar qualities in my guy friends that I would look for in a boyfriend/husband... so it's hard to separate them:
Friend:
Kind, considerate, treats people respectfully, we have some things in common, we have different things in common, a sense of humor, good listener, able to get to know me but establishing boundaries so as not to discuss things or act in a manner that is what a boyfriend would say/do.
BOYFRIEND:
Kind, considerate, sense of humor, has things in common, respectful of others, able to learn new things based on our differences, treats his family well, is good with animals and children, similar goals for the future, same religion as I am...
See some of the differences?
CM
Well, I was lucky and have already been asked this before, so I feel special. LOL. I, however, am unlucky and unable to answer this mind-boggling question. I just know that my friends are my friends and my boyfriend is my boyfriend. They all have similar qualities, and I know there is something that sets them apart, but maybe it's what you said, CM. Maybe it's the fact that my boyfriend and I have to have similar goals for the future and he has to be interested in enough of the same things that I want for it to work out. I don't know? Hehehehe.
i dont know i just know that one is my bf and the rest are friends
after some carefull consideration I have come to the conclusion, that the qualities I look for in a friend, aren't the same as thoughs I look for in a partner. Yes there are ones that are similar, but they are the standard things that everyone wants their friends/partners to have. Kindness, consideration, honesty, good morrals, and so the list goes on. thoughs are standard decent things that wae all look for, and hope to possesse. When it comes down to selecting your partner, it becomes far more personal and individual. I think what makes your partner and not your friends, are the things that you see in them that perhaps noone else can. The way you interact with each other. I have a great many male friends, and I would only consider a select few of them as prospective date material. Because it's not what they do have, but what they don't have. They don't have the little bit of chemestry that makes me go zing when I see them, hear their voices or touch them. I have differing oppinions to a lot of my friends on subjects that would surely become a point of contention between us were we to enter into anything more than a friendly relationship. for me, my man has to intreague and fascinate me, he has to excite me, in oads of different ways. Friends don't do that. When it comes to the big picture, I want a man who has qualities to be a great dad, I have to agree with his morrals and his values, because thoughs are the most important skills tht a parent passes on to their children. If I don't feel that my prospective partner wouldn't make a good dad, or should I say, the type of dad I want my children to have, then I won't date him. A number of my friends while I love them to bits for the amazing incredibley awesome people they are, don't have what I am looking for in that department. But in their own right, they will make fantastic parents when it comes to that. also. I could go on and on about this subject, and if the creator of this thred would like to comment, I would be mroe than happy to do so. *grins at df*
hmmmmm, very interesting question and definitely food for lots of thiniing (if one is so inclined).
George Michael said "who needs a lover that can't be a friend" and he's got a point (even if his music/sexual preferences are certainly questionable so in his case I don't know who would need him).
I happen to have at lest 5 or 6 very close female friends, people that I would confortabley even share a bed with and would be positive nothing would happen because I don't even think of them in an attraction sort of way. At the same time I think a lot of the qualities I look for in a partner I definitely look for in a friend but there are some distinctions. I think puggle already touched on this. A friend, to me, is often a person who has a different point of view, can teach me something new differences in opinion or background or experience don't matter so much and are actually preferred in a friend, that way your friend is exposing you to something new, culture, food, a way to think about the world, ideas .. you don't even have to like them just being exposed to them can be a fun and exciting thing and to me both friends and partnrtners are people I need to be able to trust 100%, not to agree with everything I do or say or never criticize me because you need friends/lovers to keep you in check sometimes and clear up confusion or doubts or right the wrongs, but I need a frind or a lover to stick up for me, not to go behind my back, to address a problem with me or my behavior with me directly instead of running around talking about it to other people first.
I think often the seedsof friendship vs something more are sown right in the beginning when you meet a person. It may not materialize for a long time but there are people you meet and you like per say but have no chemistry with, there are people you meet and have instant chemistry with and then you realize it's just chemistry, no long term common interests or goals or deeper meaning, both kinds of people are unsuitable as partners for me. However the cross between the two is what an ideal partner would be. Someone you trust andlike and you have fun with but also someone who makes you feel all giddy inside, someone you want to hold and please and make happy, someone who you dream of making love to or just touch, to have a family with, to build a future together, chemistry will fade (or rather it will change) you can't survive on that for a long time, friendship has to be there to step in and fill in the gaps when the intense romantic love fades.
That's why friends/lovers must have somany qualities in common. I think what separates one from the other may be more superficial and/or inexplicable things. For me certain physical characteristics are attractive, long hair, smooth skin, as well as mental ones, intelligence, .. and also just a charm that I can feel and sense almost from miles away but can't define in anyuseful way, a friend can look or dress or be almost whatever he/se wants to be and I haveno probelm with that, with a partner there are certain standards for me to make them and keep them attractive to me such as the ability to take decent care of themselves and have ambitions and life and wanting to go out and experience the world with me, have dreams, the energy to pursue them and keeping me interesting and excited about the world.
Those are still sort of uncensorred ramblings but I shall reconsier and come back to this thread later.
cheers
-B
hmm, interesting question, I think I agree with puggle and B's ideas on a mate verses a friend. I think for me I like to find friends who are different from me. My closest friend Kevin most people think we are very different but on a lot of things we are alike. I like to find people I can trust, people who aren't afraid to show there real feelings and no matter if I agree or not there real opinions on things. Via the Internet I have a lot of friends from all over the world. I like to learn about different places and customs. I think the older I get the more I like to make more friends and widen my circle a bit. Everyone has there own experiences and those that have come a long way from nothing are the ones that interest me the most!
I think though that, although we often want the same things from friends as from partners, the difference is that we don’t look for qualities in friends. Although you will be friends with someone based on the qualities that person has, invariably, you’re either friends with someone, or you’re not. With a partner though that is somewhat different, because generally you become attracted to a person based on the qualities that person possesses, and if that person does not have certain qualities that you would want from a partner, it is unlikely you would pursue a romantic relationship with that person any further, but it is likely that, if that person had qualities that you did still like, you would still remain friends with them.
Also, partnerships often break down, and invariably it is our friends that are there to pick up the pieces when they do.
very interesting question. I agree with what most have said here. but Attraction is like a totally separate entity. It's hard for even myself to define it lately cos I have been trying so hard to do so, but it seems that when attraction takes over, nothing else matters and you know automatically that you want to be with them more than a friend.
I can't explain the magic of the attraction more than that cos again I have been wondering about it all myself lately.
interesting answers all of them. Here is the question. Attraction as rd freak said is something different. Sugarbaby said that your attracted to the qualities of that person. Is that true? If that's the case can't you make up the qualities in your own head about said person?
Yes, I suppose you can make up all those wonderful things that said person is not ... LOL. But what's the point?
not me. I can not will myself to like someone or dislike someone. it just naturally happens!
Someone I look as more intimate thart shares my values.